I finally made a completely new/original layout for this thing, and to celebrate I've deleted most of the entries I wrote last year (there weren't many and they were all pretty pointless). I'm hoping I will be able to use this diary for something worthwhile (now that I can bear to look at it again)... but I'm much better at not doing things than doing them, so don't hold your breath. Not that anyone is reading... I've no idea why I bothered to get a hit counter. Vanity, I suppose.

• I have an ingrown eyelash that is driving me mad. It's extremely sore but also extremely itchy. It's very hard not to keep rubbing at it. Seeing my doc next week.

• I'm going through another period of horrible paranoia about which members of my family are active online and where they might have found me where I didn't want them to find me (like, I'm not comfortable sharing everything with everyone). I've locked my Tweets, hopefully only temporarily (because it's a total pain in the arse to have to log in before I can read my stream), but I have a feeling I will have to start again with a new account, which will be another pain in the arse.

• I am exhausted all the time. I'm trying to space my meds out differently to see if that will help, but all it's done really is made me forget to take most of them for several days running. I've been making a point of not thinking about how panicky I will feel when I actually think about how I'm feeling. Sort of "thinking under"... don't know how to explain it, really. Kind of like a cat slinking past the sofa you're reclining on, and you suddenly realise it's not where it was last time you looked at it... except I'm the cat. Um, yeah, making sense as usual.

• My fingernails are filthy all the time. I don't know how this happens. I keep cleaning them, then when I look at them again, they're disgusting. Or maybe this is psychosis brought on by withdrawal?

• Our anniversary is coming up and I need to buy DH something nice... and as usual I have very little money put aside because my budgeting skills are non-existent. I have practically begged him not to buy me anything because I already feel guilty about it. I'll be perfectly happy with a modest night out (movies and a burger is plenty).

• My mother's health is failing and I've been forced to confront the notion that she is mortal after all. Looking at photos of her from just a few years ago is quite a shock, because she looks so different now (so tiny and frail). Hoping she can hang on for a few more years at least because I'm not ready to be an orphan. (Selfish, I know, but now we've stopped fighting I quite like the old duck.)

• I was going to go to bed four or five hours ago, but of course I said "I'll just... (whip up a quick template)" but nothing's ever quick because I'm such a perfectionist (about some things, at least). DH is likely to be pissed at me later, say around 11am, when I'm still asleep and he wants to go shopping or clean the gutters or some similarly normal thing which for some reason he needs my conscious presence.

I might start making sense one of these days.