January is the only month without dates that are personally significant. It's like the only month I don't have to be afraid of.

Names and dates are important to me. January used to be my favourite month because it was all school holidays and there were various things I would do, places to go with my mum or my friend F, or cousins... whatever. Then for a while it was September. Then June. Adolescence passed and I didn't have "a favourite month" for a while, until I came back to January, because all the other months were soiled.

This is my umpteenth new diary/weblog this year. I tend to start a new one whenever I'm feeling deeply panicked - a bad few hours with my boyfriend, or a bad therapy session, or a fight with my mum, or breaking/losing something precious... any of these things can set it off. Rather than just scribble in a notepad that no-one will ever see I come online, pick a service and sign up.

These things are ephemeral, but I've stopped telling myself I "must" use, really use, each account I open. So some of them are occasional. Some of them I update every 10 days, some once a month, some four times a year. I don't "have to" update every day. Those days are long gone.